Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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