How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
