I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
