Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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