she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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