i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
ttyl tear gas
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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