i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
