Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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