after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
