I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
