And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
