i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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