You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
