So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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