What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
