Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
