he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
