The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
How's work?
Spinning.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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