none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
