if you like me you must not know who I am
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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