Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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