You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
