i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
