you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
