I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
