i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
