I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
