We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
