It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
