but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
