I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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