well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
