Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
false alarm, still single
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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