Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
