I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
