I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
