DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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