thus making me awesome and them whores
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
