You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
