I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
