he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
