there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
