do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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