Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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