What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
