My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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