I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
