So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
They have beer where we have blood.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
