I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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