i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
