Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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