Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
