Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
