and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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