lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize