I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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