I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Randomize
