All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
