Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
