She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize