I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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