I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
