i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
