My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
