I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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