Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
