i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I don't think brook has ever known best
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I am naked and annoyed.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
