You're my little dorito
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize