I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize