I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
